I’ve not been using a men’s restroom since September 2022. Why I know so precisely? Because in September the incident happened. It’s not dramatic, more a bit funny I guess. So lets start with the situation, shall we?
I was attending the first company retreat after Covid, a month before I officially joined the company. It took place at the wonderful De Vere Wokefield Estate. Three days of getting to know new colleagues and listen to talks and workshops.
As this was my first time as a trans person in the UK I had thoughts … many thoughts … about my bathroom choice. Not that the situation back then was as dire as it is nowadays (2026), but I decied to be cautious.
This is a post I wanted to write for a very long time. So here we go. The concept of passing and trying to suceed with it is fairly widespread thing in the trans community.
Maybe I should explain first what it means. Passing is, when the gender you are presenting as (and which might not be the one you were assigned at birth) isn’t questioned by strangers. Example: you are a trans women and everyone you meet perceives you as a woman and never questions this.
Sometimes things happen, that shake up your world. Or destroy a part you thought was safe of harm. Most of the time no one did it on purpose, but still it hits you out of nowwhere. This is what happened to me.
Last week I was filmed at a street food festival without my knowledge. I"m not talking about the fact that this in general is illegal. I’m talking about the effect this had on me. But let me explain the situation.
This is a topic that comes up often within the transgender community and sometimes is especially important to freshly hatched eggs (people who just came out). So I would like to explain my approach to this question.
From my perspective clothes indeed have a gender. It’s not inherent or sewn in. It’s attributed by society and individuals. Like gender itself the gender of clothes is a social construct. Skirts are women’s clothes, because it’s the agreed upon definition. Unless … unless you live in a culture where skirts are or are also worn by men.
I came out at 55. This means that I might have struggled with my identity for so long. It might mean that I didn’t use my male privilege consciously (I didn’t!) or that I even was aware of it. But I had it. It worked in my favor, even if I didn’t know.
Just to be clear right from the beginning: I never heard someone say this and it’s also not my opinion but I guess some people think about this from time to time. Here is a picture of some beautiful flowers since I couldn’t find an appropriate picture I liked 😅
Yes, it’s right. Trans people sometimes are quite explicit regarding their own experience, preferences or orientation. And sometimes friends who know these trans people from before their transition are pretty surprised. I thought a lot about this phenomenon and I certainly have no conclusion based on evidence and research but I have some … experience 😉
There’s a classical question in the trans* community:
If there was a magical button that you could press and when doing so it would magically transform you into your desired (normally binary opposite) gender and you would be completely passable and not stick out in any way: would you do it?
