Male Socialization

There is a narrative about transfem people saying that they have been socialized as men. While this might be true for some or even a lot of transfem folks, nothing could be more wrong for me.

First there is no definitive definition of what socialization means. One possible version is: Socialization is the process by which individuals learn the norms, values, and behaviors that are expected in their society. It is a lifelong process that begins at birth and continues throughout one’s life.

So there are several different sources of expectation and social relationships here:

• Your family: what do parents tell their children?
• Peer groups: what do your friends, schoolmates and colleagues expect from you?
• Societal learning: how are gendered roles depicted in media and advertisement?

About the last one we don’t have much influence, if we do not censor the media consumption of children. So let’s talk about how the other ones worked for me.

My parents raised me in a pretty gender neutral way. I guess they had no direct concept of “gender neutral”, but I was a “special” kid. My favorite color was pink, so my mother tried very hard to get as much pink stuff (and clothes) for me as possible. There never was any talk like “this is not for boys”, be it hobbys, media or clothes. About some of the details there were remarks like “if you do wear this to school, the other children” will laugh at you". It was their way to try to raise me violent-free. It left its marks on my psychological fabric, but that’s a topic for another post. So there were no direct expectations or things that were forced on me. Sounds great, right? Nope. That meant when I got into school I was different. I looked different and I behaved different and my parents and the school system of the time were not prepared to protect me from my schoolmates.

Which brings me to the last group of influencers. If I think about them I wasn’t socialized male or female, I was socialized “fuck off, you don’t belong here”. I had no group I belonged to. Not even the nerds. Sounds dramatic and back then it wasn’t a pleasant experience. But I made it “my brand”. I’m the one outside of all boxes. Nobody can label me. That’s a power and a freedom I wish everyone could experience.